#(still tho that one's boooo-RING)

[amandabe11man]

how internationals think sweden’s EAS system sounds like:

what sweden’s EAS system actually sounds like:

[heavyhitterheaux]

Side Piece

A First Lady of Private Garden Instagram AU

AN: You can read this one by itself, but to get some background you can read the others. NSFW down below 18+.

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, shloob_, saweetie and 4,293,578 others

y/ninsta: a boss like you, need a boss like me 😘

jackharlow: my babyyyyy 😍😍

y/ninsta: hiya smush 😘

jackandy/naremyparents: queen I have a question. does jackharlow really have a side piece? 🤔

saweetie: y/ninsta would kick his ass and neither of them like to share

y/ninsta: jackandy/naremyparents yes

normani: y/ninsta she gotta be fuckin with us

y/ninsta: normani but I'm not sis

sza: spill the tea!

jackharlow: y/ninsta why you playin? If my momma sees this she's gonna have my ass

theestallion: y/ninsta who is it?!?!

y/ninsta: her name is Sylvia

saweetie: jackharlow who THE FUCK is Sylvia? I'm about to beat your ass. No one cheats on my best friend. 😡

jackharlow: saweetie I didn't even do anything so why am I getting yelled at!?!

y/ninsta: she a tatted up bitch with a belly button ring. she a baddie tho. I ain't mad at it.

jackharlow: Y/N Y/M/N HARLOW STOP THIS SHIT!

jackharlow: urbanwyatt get your best friend before I do because I'm about to teach her ass a lesson

jackharlow: urbanwyatt seriously? that's it? 🙄

urbanwyatt: jackharlow why do I always have to get dragged in yall shit?

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta stop

saweetie: y/ninsta where she live? Imma cut her

y/ninsta: saweetie she a Kentucky girl to the death go and get it through yo head till its muthafuckin embedded

sza: y/ninsta say less! We about to catch this flight ✈️

lilnasx: now jackharlow knows better 🙄

y/ninsta: jackharlow Maggie is calling you. might wanna get that baby.

jackharlow: y/ninsta imma tear yo ass up later

druski2funny: jackharlow you in some hot water my boy

lilnasx: what in the world is happening right now?

dualipa: looks like my time has come 🥰

jackharlow: dualipa when I see you if you so much as LOOK at my wife we got a problem

dualipa: jackharlow I'll be her side piece to get back at you 😉

jackharlow: dualipa I DON'T HAVE A SIDE PIECE

y/ninsta: baby, what the fuck is really up?

shloob_ : all my girlfriends like to be rebellious

2forwoyne: tattoos with the belly button ring

urbanwyatt: she a bad little ting, look just like a Sylvia

jackharlowsource: lmaooo how have they not caught on yet? 🤣🤣

saweetie: caught onto what?!

y/ninsta: Sylvia is my alter ego yall 🤣🤣🤣

saweetie: girl I was packing materials in order to whoop jackharlow's ass. you know I do not play about my best friend 🙄

y/ninsta: saweetie I know and I appreciate you lol 😭

y/ninsta: jackharlow sorry baby. I had to.

jackharlow: y/ninsta my phone hasn't stopped going off 🙄

y/ninsta: jackharlow I can make it up to you

jackharlow: y/ninsta how?

y/ninsta: jackharlow well I have been told that I'm a nasty little bitch and I swallow 😏

jackharlow: y/ninsta I am the only person that has ever told you that unless you have something to share with the class?

y/ninsta: jackharlow boy shut up and let me suck your dick 🙄

jackharlow: y/ninsta why you making it sound like I'm a hoe?

y/ninsta: jackharlow you a hoe for this pussy tho and how you a hoe when you got a whole ring on your finger and you a married man?

lilnasx: y/ninsta that literally means nothing in this day and age, he can still be a hoe

y/ninsta: jackharlow I wish your ass would try that shit 🤨

jackharlow: why is everyone threatening me today? 

y/ninsta: yall they're song lyrics to jackharlow's songs Sylvia and Sundown 🤣🤣

y/ninsta: had yall muthafuckas in here SWEATIN and ready to kick his ass 🤣🤣🤣

druski2funny: y/ninsta why you playing with my mans like that? 🤣

normani: I should fight you for getting my blood pressure up! y/ninsta!!!

dualipa: boooo I was waiting for divorce papers

jackharlow: dualipa if you don't get your ass outta here 😡

saweetie: well jackharlow let this be a lesson. we all pulling up on yo ass if you step outta line.

jackharlow: saweetie I've noticed 🙃

jackharlow: y/ninsta you know what... I'm mad at you. Use your vibrator.

y/ninsta: jackharlow WHAT. I WILL DO NO SUCH THING WHEN YOU ARE IN THE HOUSE WITH ME. BRING MY DICK HERE NOW!!!

normani: uh oh 👀

jackharlow: y/ninsta as of right now I put your ass on punishment

y/ninsta: jackharlow fine. I'll call dualipa.

dualipa: y/ninsta 👅👅👅

jackharlow: y/ninsta you just keep digging a deeper hole for yourself

y/ninsta: jackharlow no I want you to fill my holes 😉

jackharlow: y/ninsta I'm coming upstairs. get on your knees.

sza: WHEEEWWWW 🥵🥵

y/ninsta: jackharlow YESSSS TEAM NO GAG REFLEX 🙈

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta we didn't need to know that

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt stop being a hater Urby 😒

y/ninsta: jackharlow umm I see handcuffs in the drawer. what are these for? 👀

jackharlow: y/ninsta you about to find out

saweetie: y/ninsta don't forget to post in the group chat later!

jackharlow: saweetie she'll talk to yall monday. we busy.

saweetie: jackharlow but it's thursday....

jackharlow: saweetie did I stutter? she'll be available monday evening.

saweetie: jackharlow omg don't beat it up too bad!

jackharlow: saweetie naw she about to get this work for talking so much shit.

urbanwyatt: jackharlow I need to find something to do this weekend 😩

Do not read past this point if you aren't 18+

NSFW

Warnings: oral sex (male receiving)

You were currently upstairs in the master bedroom sitting on the bed playing on your phone when you heard Jack's heavy footsteps making his way towards the room.

He opened the door and you simply smirked at him.

You knew he was about to tear your ass up and show no mercy.

He simply locked the door behind him and stared at you with a blank face.

"So, we don't listen to directions now?" Jack asked as he raised his eyebrows at you and proceeded to take off his shirt and toss it to the side.

"Wait.. what?"

"Did I tell you to fucking speak?"

You swear his voice went an octave lower and you felt the waterfall begin to make its presence known between your thighs.

"I thought I told you to be on your knees when I came up here."

"But.."

"I don't remember telling you to speak. Strike two, baby."

"What was strike one!?"

"You think I'm playin huh?"

You quickly shook your head no and remained quiet before sliding off the bed and assuming the position that he asked you to get in.

You were kind of nervous for what was going to happen after strike three if you said anything else.

Not that Jack would hurt you in any way or do something that made you uncomfortable (which wasn't much) but still.

Within seconds you were face to face with what you wanted most and just knew that your juices were about to be cascading down your thighs.

"Open that pretty mouth of yours baby."

You did as you were told and could immediately taste his precum at the back of your throat. He grabbed your ponytail to pull you closer to him if that was even possible.

You knew better than to even try to touch him at this point, because you were going to get yelled at so you had to let him set the pace.

"Because clearly I have to teach you who is in fucking charge around here. And let me give you a hint, princess. It's not you."

Jack slid completely out of your mouth before pulling your chin to look up at him. Tears were in the corner of both your eyes threatening to fall, but you damn sure weren't going to say anything.

"You think you funny, huh?" Jack asked and you remained quiet. A few seconds had passed before he realized that you weren't going to break.

"Answer my question, baby."

"Yeah, I'm the funniest." You answered saying his lyrics back to him and he wasn't amused.

"I'm getting real tired of your ass."

"You sure about that?"

"You got one more fuckin time to get smart with me."

"Or... what?"

"Open."

You had your eyes closed as you obliged to his request and he wasn't having it.

"Nuh uh. Keep your eyes on me."

You met those pretty blues as he proceeded to spit in your mouth. You felt the warm liquid hit your tongue as you kept eye contact with him.

"I thought that my nasty little bitch swallowed? Go ahead then."

You simply smiled when you were finished and knew that this was about to be a long night.

"My dick better not leave your mouth until my cum is sliding down your throat. Understood?"

You nodded your head as you maneuvered to get more comfortable so that you would be able to stay in that position longer.

"So now that I tell you to speak, you aren't using your words?"

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"Okay, daddy."

"That's better. Do as your told."

An hour had passed and Urban was wondering where you two were. He had gotten the three of you food and proceeded to go upstairs to look for you.

He had just hit the top step when he heard you moaning Jack's name and proceeded to roll his eyes.

"They cannot keep their hands off each other for five minutes."

He stood in front of the door and simply yelled.

"Will yall please keep it down? I'm trying to eat my food in peace!"

He was then taken aback when Jack came to the door and slightly opened it.

"What?" Urban curiously asked his best friend as he stared at him.

Jack was in deep thought and before he could answer, Urban heard your voice.

"Will you ask him already? My hand can only do so much."

"Y/N, didn't I tell you to fucking wait. You never listen and that's your problem."

"Ask me, what?"

"You want in?"

"Whaaa... now?"

"Yes, now Urban! Got damn! Will you two come on? Oh, and Urby... bring your camera." You yelled from inside the bedroom.

"Looks like you found something to do this weekend."

Taglist:

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@babyharleezy

@hoodharlow

@stefansalvatoresgf

@jackiehollanderr

@primadxna-girl

@dessmxsworld

@cockslutslurper3000

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@xjup1t3r

[camuslittlesister]

I’m having an identity crisis. I’m sitting out the ranking for two events in a row 🥲

Tbh I’m going for the frame so I might sneak in the rank low as a result, but if I’m not trying for the ranking prize then I’m going to bed at a normal time, or trying because I pushed 2am last night thanks to pretty swords (yes, I am playing Touken Ranbu, although given my IRL Okita obession the sword voiced by nii-sama was not my starter and, at time of writing, it still isn’t one of mine). But Manjunari and the butterflies with Kenshin looking on is glorious and I kinda need that in my life even if I sweated blood and tears for the smutty Kageie and the sleepy shinobi 🤔 #firstworldproblems if ever there was one.

But yeah, random thoughts as I suffer through the wait for 2 of my top 5 SLBP men to drop. I’m currently skipping through the tanuki for the puppy, to be called Rei-chan.

I mean, am I wrong?

Basically this post will not be a complete review because I’m likely just nyooming through half of the event and re-reading Kenshin’s story on a loop for the first 5 or so days until Shingen and Hideyoshi are out.

SLBP story events be like:

LI I like: Watching paint dry? Great story!

LI I dislike: Your vassals are rebelling and there’s a lot of drama, boooo-riiiiing.

Look at that ambitious little face tho 🥺makes me so proud

It’s the 3rd day of the event (nii-sama’s sword came home in TR in the meantime) and I’ve so far skimmed through all the bits with the Hojo kid, since I disliked him ever since the time he was in Kai (or Shinano, it was a Yukimura story, of that I am sure...) a few events back (and they had Saizo to salvage the situation). So aside from almost dying laughing at the beginning with the Demon Daddy Show, and enjoying seeing the crazy-ninja-who-hates-Saizo’s face, I haven’t read anything until the ending (that CG is my next copy for my self-taught drawing course).

I have, however, read Manjunari (cue: 😱) and I have so many mixed feelings about it. It was nothing new, in fact it’s like an AU of his MS, but I both don’t like him and really want to like him.

Saturday morning, breakfast time, Utapri on Auto because I cba: Can’t Shingen hurry up and come out already

Sunday morning, oh my gosh, brace yourselves for the word vomit. *Very Ren Jinguji voice* Are you ready? 😏

Utapri ruined my life. I can never ever read those words without hearing Junichi Suwabe in my head.

I have so many questions. First of all, am I allowed multiple husbandos in one castle because Kansuke buhahhahah 😂 I want to put a ring on it because he is just too cute and funny.

Secondly, WTH? We know babe is so extra but this is a level of extra that is unreal. I mean, I have done it too, both my house bathroom and playing Mystic Messenger in a public one but the cleaning standards in the 21st century are kind of improved?! This sounds worse than a festival portaloo, and those have also improved over the years since my misspent youth having to be chaperoned at festivals because a music-obsessed minor (Side note: it surprises me too that my favourite Utapri boy is not Ranmaru given we are one and the same 🥲 I’m writing this as Spotify just started playing Memory by Sugarcult). And what makes it worse to me is that he hid away to read the Art of War. AGAIN.

Surely he knows it by heart by now? He is reading that book all.the.bloody.time.

At least he’s self-aware...

Oh, who am I kidding, with that face he can get away with murder as far as I’m concerned. Which he kinda did since I forgave the start of his route (it wasn’t literal murder in that case tho, but it was bad 👀)

*more story* Multiple levels of adorable 🥺

I for one was not surprised at his modern day job in the epilogue because that guy is painted as a workhaolic in every story. The guy couldn’t even stop the time he went on a holiday, although that wasn’t entirely his fault. Part of it was. Can we get a holiday story where he actually just lounges about reading a book or something? Pretty please.

But, of course, this story isn’t it. I do dig the tragic hero vibes tho. He’s so pretty in the rain and somehow so pretty as he is coughing up blood and nearly dying?! How did I only notice this on my 3rd replay of the story?

Also so dang satifsfying when the tiger goes full kitty omg the finaleeee. *Narrator: she died with a smile on her face and her morning coffee all over the bed*

Spoiler alert: I did not actually die, and I am back.

Fjshnfodosnsjkfnfnsna HIDEYOSHIIIIII. You naughty teasing little snakey fox. Although my favourite Hideyoshi bits were, in fact, from Toshiie’s story.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the playful banter and let me kiss you as a punishment for being adorable kind of scenarios (even tho they’ll never apply to me because I couldn’t be any more different from the average Voltage MC if I tried), but THIS was glorious.

And also I have so many thoughts about how MC seems to think he is better than he really is as a person, but also I can see the idealism and whole quest for equality are not necessarily mutually exclusive. You can be shrewd and ambitious for a goal higher than yourself. What can I say, I love him 🥺

Toshiie’s story was a bit meh but also the plot twist was nice. And now, after panicking that I couldn’t find my frame I was sure I had accepted, it’s time to press send and dive into the next event. No rest for the wicked and the SLBP event junkies, as they say...

[wrestlezon]

liveblog containment zone for aew dynamite 7/27/22

you know im raring to see that ricky starks vs danhausen match

rush vs moxley! i havent seen the ROH ppv but i might catch up on it soon, sounded interesting. at least daniel garcia vs yuta it wouldnt be a match with regal on commentary if he wasnt complimenting excalibur gasp! he didnt even let moxley finish his entrance. rude HE JUST... SITS ON THE SECURITY GUY'S LAP.... HE HAD TO CRAWL AWAY................. EW DONT LICK HIS FOREHEAD BLOOD cable!!! choking!!!!!!!!!!! rush is powering up by getting damp. damper lmao his little fakeout into a soft little headkick slap trade oh that rope counter suplex manuever was cool! softest stomps ive ever seen oh man rush is doing some reaaaaal close-to-the-turnbuckles move on that one forehead bite moves ahh ref distraction tactics into andrade appearance... ok the lucha bros are chasing him off. thats still a thing going on (i do not like that feud because there was too much unmasking going on) moxley wins! ravioli ravioli sign

NO NOT JERICHO.................. anna jay why are you hanging out with these chumps. theyre being heels by annoying me with their work boooo... boo ok anna jay.a.s. is pretty good tho im weary of jericho. eddie got that big ppv win but the rest of this feud... so weary moxley is my champion. i agree with him. he speaks the truth

trios belts!!!!!!!!!!!! OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED THIS ALL BUT CONFIRMS THAT KENNY IS COMING BACK AT ALL OUT... RIGHT...

DANHAUSEN VS RICKY STARKS ricky starks' video here is so fucking good LMAO omfg he is so much LMAO DANHAUSEN stealing ricky's pose!!! POSE OFF dive!!! AUHGHGHGHH HSQUASH MATTHCHCHHH ok if they actually do a double match this time i wont be mad

HOOK............................ ok i am not mad that was a squash match now what the!! punch moves!!! is that allowed WHOA sick flip from hook DIVE MOVES counter into chokeouts!! HE TAPS OUT............!!!!!! hook... :)c danhausen helped indirectly OC GET ADBLOCK sign lol

ricky ring promo.... ;_; ricky starks i think youre super cool and stylish!! WHAT THE HELL?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

POWERHOUSE HOBBS BUT FOR WHY

i saw the acclaimed say something but im still reeling from hobbs betrayal

sammy guevara vs dante martin oh dante kiss skye blue? lots of dating going on in aew it seems sorry im still thinking about the ricky starks thing between that one interview where he was like "damn mjf has some points with all these ex-wwe people picking up the spotlight >:/" and this promo where he was like "people keep telling me to wait for my time but hell!!! im tired of waiting my time is now!!!" really got me thinking about how cool a ricky starks mjf team up would be. ricky and mjf vs the world. theyre going to fight back against all the ex-wwe... oh the match ended. wait who won? sammy??

the best friends rule. i want them to be on tv all the time, i am thoroughly entertained by their antics them carrying off orange cassidy like a plank of goddamn wood. SO GOOD

hey its jungle boy oh my god jungle boy getting SPICY LMAO WOW hes taking tough guy cues from christian cage in the process of feuding with christian cage :)c thats cool omg cage interrupting him when hes trying to get to the most personal part of his speech feud feud feud feud

hey its the bucks oh! trios belt. whos gonna be your third bucks? cutler is angling for the position OH... HANGMAN ENCOUNTER...................... THE BUCKS........ OMG THE DARK ORDER APPEAR the drama.....

swerve strickland vs tony nese and mark sterling i think the concept for this match is good :D haha. its goofy. i love lopsided matches like these-- i mean, i know swerve is still gonna win but still. im here for the antics and mark sterling tagging with tony nese is all antics by design

LMAO WHAT THE KEITH LEE LYING DEAD BACKSTAGE SLAIN BY JOSH WOODS ASSAILANT

malakai black: we live in a society

travelling belt match updates: pac fighting! thunder rosa fighting! waow also lol at excalibur having to pause because of weird mic things going on-- was that tony schiavone doing a simultaneous readout in the background? or an echo

miyu vs thunder rosa ok i think ive had enough time to calm from earlier matches to focus on this one heck of a dropkick HECK OF A CHOP!!!!!!! HELL OF A HOP OFF THE APRON INTO A COUNTERHIT my connection lagged at thunder rosa's suplex pin. held in super suspense ohhhh shit miyu's german suplex there???? WOW and that was a cool swing kick too!! i only noticed thunder rosa doing this mouthguard thing in this match and the previous miyu match. is this a new powerup move or have i just not been paying attention aww shaking hands and nuzzling. good terms

so many match announcements. adam cole and redragon are coming back!!! im SOOOOO excited about the best friends trios match on friday :DDDDDDDD the best friends! and orange!! yay

daniel garcia vs bryan danielson daniel vs danielson. holy SHIT that running jumpkick dropkick thing on garcia's head hes straddling him. hello slapping him. hellooooo bryan danielson im glad youre back and im glad youre back just in time as daniel garcia is at full horny or whatever jericho: IM HOT RIGHT NOW JIM wow bryan danielson rebounding off the fence into garcia lmao omg this poor security guard has been bothered all day. they keep stealing his seat whoa scary. dont spook me about concussions, announcers whoa!! what a backflip!!! what the... ok its in character theyre working it. okayyyy... i know danielson does this... im rearranging my mental furniture bumpin into the camera guy concrete!! vicious!!!!!!!!! oh BRYCE is SOOOO MAD man this match super slowed down. are they trying to buy time because this is a bit dragged out for just dramatic effect ok its picking up again bro these cornercam angles. all my friends are concerned... danielson............ r u ok @_@ LMAO WTF WHO WAS THAT... MYSTERY ARM FROM UNDER THE RING DRAMA OHH MY GOD DANIEL GARCIA WON... SUBMISSION HOLDED

oh the mystery arm was hager. ok....... :/ i was hoping it'd be 2point0 or something. you know. one of daniel garcia's wrestledads. what ever happened to that i like that dynamic between two barking mobster henchmen and their aloof moody wrestleson but no its....... *SIGH* jericho and hager................... daniel garcia you couldnt beat bryan danielson on your own... what kind of tough guy are you man they really drew that out to the last minute though dedication to the time slot. but at what cost :/

[stupidbiatch10101010111000]

HIIIIII 02022022

so um uh hii feel kinda guilty i didn’t post new years spam last year but you  know what i spent doing during new years eve like mama i couldn’t just sit down and tell my thoughts about the past year i had to hurry up and move like MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY so that stressful day aside i am now free of that dreadful place and now no longer as paranoid thinking about the management just barging in to see the state of yeah anyways lets not talk about that and wait until a later time to unpack all those feelings about what happened at that time right now im here to say hii today is groundhog day and 222022 so a funny little repeating number date and i for one love those hope tumblr is still around for me to post on 03032033 even tho that doesn’t really have the same nice ring to it. some things about me im still kinda sad but i also havent seen the sun in days baby its winter but im feeling like im in the spring of my life yes i know the physical world is in winter nonetheless im in my spring the way im changing and growing. also can’t wait for actual spring man i can just smell the air now. also things im looking forward to college yeah i know (BOOOO *throws tomatoes*) but im pretty sure ill start going this year after i get my ged. going to my storage unit to get my tennis shoes and start using the gym we have in this building. new lunar music and some concerts i may or may not be going to lets see if im willing to drive in the big city. getting a new phone (its been 4 years already woah) getting new tires for the car getting my nails done for the first time. and many more i can’t think of at the moment 2021 was a painful year for me i had to let a lot of things go and now i see im not dead without them even tho the removals were painful im alive. so yeah that all folks 10:10pm february 02, 2022

[rassasassalin]

Kane, Kane I love you, but I don't want to see you fight Brock.  It'll be the worst kind of trainwreck.  I don't even really wanna see Braun fight Brock again, just because I don't trust them to do right and have him beat mister dickchest.

...Kurt, really?  Jfc.  I guess it'll bring the casual fans in.  Fuck me, I'm just so tired of Brock.  Love Heyman, hate seeing that dumb purple face and penis tattoo.

Joe Rollins... Yeah, that'll be a good match, but it doesn't quite get the gross lesner taste outta my mouth.

Don't call Seth bad, Cole, he's trying to redeem himse- JORDAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING PLEASE STOP I REALLY LEGITIMATELY WANT TO LIKE YOU AND YOU ARE MAKING IT VERY HARD TO DO. Fuckin Seth's face, tho, like "who the hell is this child and who let him in my ring???"  Man is lucky that Dean hasn't dropped down from the ceiling to try and brutalize him.

Ah Joe, you know you're always the bell of any ball that matters.

Not sure Seth's one to talk about Daddy issues considering his history with Trips and Steph, but  ok, you a face now, we'll politely ignore the things you did as a heel.

Things I would not actually be surprised should they happen: Joe ends up kind of adopting Jason Jordan as his pupil/understudy for the purpose of annoying the shit out of Kurt as Jordan goes through his rebellious stage.

...A WWF commercial on the WWE is really weirding me out.  I mean, hell yeah, let's stop tiger poaching, but like... 's'weird.

I don't like that noise Seth made when he was rammed into the barricade, if he could never make that noise again that'd be great. Is the crowd chanting boring?  People have no appreciation for ring psychology anymore.  I know you guys don't like Jordan, but let him try to murder Seth's back jfc it makes sense, let the boy live. Wow, yeah, that probably should have been Jordan's win, wow.  Also, nice to see American Alpha on the same super cool suplexing lane.  I can dig it.

Pffff, Love Tap.  It's just a lil' love tap.  Love Booker T.

Whoever in the crowd is chanting boring needs to shut the fuck GULAK YES PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW HOW DREW IS FEELING AFTER LAST WEEK IS HE GOING TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE OR WILL HE BE TOTALLY DESPONDENT OR JUST VERY CONFLICTED?  GIVE ME MY CRUISERWEIGHTS NOW PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

ALSO IF THEY COULD DELETE THE SKITTLES POX COMMERCIAL THAT WOULD ALSO BE FANTASTIC I FUCKING HATE IT SO MUCH JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY IT'S SO GROSS.

Dean called Sheamus and Cesaro the Europeans.  AND HE CAN'T TEAM WITH A FACE LIKE JORDAN'S.  DEANO.  Deano please.  I can't.

...I also can't deal with bwoken matt please oh my god i just want bray to be taken seriously and also want matt to do ridiculously stupid backyard wrestling shit and i'm just not sure i can get both at the same time.

BRAY PLEASE STAHP WITH THE FACES

Things I am honestly surprised by: The fact that nobody has found a way to get the chant "Oooo-ver" into Finn's theme song.  Or just, chanting Over at him any time he's in the ring.

Book, come on dude, give m'boys a chance before you say their strategy aint workin, the match only just started. Oops, someone's bleedin. Oh boyos, boooo, why you gotta be like that, come on that's not HOLY SHIT HIDEO!  I was NOT expecting him tonight!!!

...is... are they thinking of moving Finn over to 205 live?  Hideo's already there, and Vince has a habit of purposefully putting people that he doesn't think has what it takes in no win situations just so he can say he was right all along.  Well, joke's on fucking you McMahon, because those of us who actually watch the cruiserweights are totally aware of how amazing their in ring work and story telling is, and if you bring Finn over, all you're going to do is get more people to watch them and come to the same realization.  Bringing Finn over might very well make 205 a serious contender against NXT as far as loyal and slightly rabid fanbases go. ...Also did Cole say something about the Zo Train and then Drew Gulak as a separate entity from said train of Enzo???  Should I be reading into that?

That's my dude, Cedric.  Glad you know better than to underestimate Drew.

...Wheeeeeeen will I get my UK boys on their own shooooooooow?????????

Oh my god, here we go, I'm not ready, Drew bby pls Fucking yes those cheers were for Drew thank you for noticing Enzo. ...Hmm... I think they're doing the thin DREEEEEEWW FUCKLNDF KILL ME RIGHT NOW BABY NO HOW DARE YOU FUCKING JAR JAR I'M GONNA DIE I CAN"T FUCKING PLEASE STOP ALSO HE"S NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU FUCKING THANK YOU CEDRIC ...Where is Enzo going?  How is going to help Drew cheat from up there?  Also I just noticed Drew's Trunks I think I like them but might also kind of hate thhem they somehow look kinda skimpier than his black ones and I'm not sure how or why Zulak.  Eheheh.  Zuul motherfucker. Okay, so, typing this out while having my eyes glued on the screen so will probably have a number of interjections when exciting things happen, but I'm thinking maybe to explain this whole coming out like Drew didn't do nothing wrong- Drew holy shit, don't flip over the top rope like that, thanks- might be because they're doing that thing where they act like nothing happened on tuesday because they assume that the regular audience didn't bother to watch, which is like... I sort of understand but it also really pisses me off.  Wrestling fans in general aren't actually that stupid, and fun fact, Drew Gulak and Enzo Amore are in fact good enough story tellers to say through a few words, and show through their actions, that shit went down.  That's kind of the great thing about wrestling.  It's a soap opera in the way that you can stop watching for years and years and years, and come back- Sweet baby jesus another WWF commercial what the hell is happening here- to basically any show and pretty much have a pretty good idea of what's going on, storyline wise. -Look, if Cedric wasn't on the top rope, he couldn't be tossed off it, let's be real.  ALSO AMORE YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH AND STOP THREATENING MY DREW AND STOP CALLING HIM GABBY GOO GOO I DON'T APPROVE but I do approve Drew working the wings and back like how beautiful i do legitimately love technical wrestling- Just given the action of the "actors" we can tell who's a good guy, who's a baddy, who's got beef with who, and anything that can't be super easily explained, we got video packages for. I'm kind of seriously worried that they're going to do a- FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TIE HIM UP DREW I LOVE HIM SO MUCH SHUT THE FUCK ENZO  FUCK ME THAT FIGHTING FOR THE BOTTOM ROPE WAS FUCKING AMAZING  AND where the fuck is Zo going????  Drew, no, come on, don't get distrac- fuck.  Too late.  Drew is... is Drew bleeding he IS Fuck me, okay, kinda figured that's how this'll beeeee Nia no why???

Shit, okay, thought I was having- Enzo's going to get used and abused, by his train and by Nia probably until the only one he has left is Drew, who is lame and a dweeb and a fucking square but you know what unlike everyone else he's been a true friend despite everything that Enzo has put him through and so, through Drew's good dork heart, he helps mends Enzo so he stops being so jaded and hurt after what Cas did to him.  Or not.  Probably not, at all, but it's a road that they could go down should they choose to.

Mmmkay, Asuka win, unsurprising, slightly surprised that Absolution hasn't come back out to fuck with her again.  Like, if I was eventually going to be going up against Asuka, I'd be playing mindgames and beating her down to give myself a weakpoint to target later on every chance I got.

Shhhiiiiiit, I remember that countdown, it was Ammmaaaaaazing~  I popped as hard as an 8yo could pop and I didn't quite understand what was happening but I knew that I would never be the same Ageen.  Good times.  Good fucking times.

Ah yes, and here come *in Ambrose Voice* The Europeans.  I'm sorry, I'm never going to get over it, it makes me want to both laugh and cry, Deano has a gift on the mic truly.

Not to be a grammarnazi, but it's you'RE a stupid idiot, not your.

Calling it now- Jason is gonna get in Dean's way/ knocked into him or Seth, and Ambrose is going to get distracted enough with beating the shit out of him that it somehow causes him and Seth to lose the match, either because Seth'll go for the tag and no one will be there, or someone's gonna get ambushed and then pinned real quick.  That, or Dean tries to push Jordan out of the way, and so Jordan jumps in to fight back and they lose because of that.

Woooooooow, Jordan.  Slow your damn roll. I mean, I don't think I'd have started with Seth either, because he's obviously still feeling that earlier fight, but still.  You don't go at it that way.  C'mon man. Ahahahaa omg what the hell was that slide across the ring by Cesaro that was the oddest looking thing I've seen in ages.  I mean, I appreciate the blueballing against a hot tag, but like, ehehe I want to be mad but I'm just giggling. Dean, I appreciate you putting Seth back in the ring but why didn't you put him back in closer to your corner??? Shit, Dean, are you okay???  Fuck, shit, that better be a work, jesus, oh no, ohhhh no please come on oh shit I don't like that ending it was awkward as fuck fuuuuuuuck deano....

...No, wait, uh, uhhhh, they setting up for a turn?  I mean, Dean's the obvious one to make a heel turn on the Shield right now.  Personally, I'd go with Roman, because it'd be less expected and unfortunately people are going to go back to booing him as soon as the Shield isn't around anymore so you might as well give the crowds a REASON to boo him, but I know Dean's the lunatic so...  Christ I really hope this is a work and he's not actually hurt...

Limo???  Oh!  Oh, Steph's home!  Nice!

...Matt, omg.  I'd watch Matt fight a fish.  ...Woken Warriors.  Matt, please stop. ...Fuck me, they're going to go back to crossdressing Bray again.  Please, let's not do that again. I like that Corey is a Woken Warrior.  I shouldn't, but I do.

Okay, okay, they're showing Dean getting hurt alot, so... maybe yes a work???  YES, Okay, attack backstage means work, definitely work.  Or like, Dean does have issues with his arm so he needs time off to get it fixed.   They used to do this all the time to let the wrestlers have Kayfabe reasons to not be around for a couple of months.  But like... they're pretty upfront about when a guy or gal does get injured now, so...  I have no idea what's going on.

Fuck yeah, welcome back Revival.  Missed you boys.  Who's their first victims then?  Oh, Heath and Rhyno.  Awww.  Well, makes sense.  At least they're getting tv timmmmmmm what is Dana Wearing???  Why???????  BOOKER MY DUDE NO PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT DANA COUNTING CALORIES THAT'S NOT COOL.

KURT DON'T YOU FIRE MY HEATH HE'S GOT KIDS!!!  oh god what is rhyno gonna put heath through????

Hello Elias. ...I love Elias. please go caroling at me. Man fuck Goodell. I- what?  Sasha???  What are you doing?  Oh my god.  Are the girls gonna beat up Elias?  I mean, not that I'm super against it or anything, but like, why?  Is there a reason for this?  Has he done something?  Oh, it's because it's time for their match, right?  He's eating up their time.... Oh no that one buddy, that's so sad, but it was a good try Bailey. Bye, Elias.  Dude...  You can't not hug Bailey.

...Why HASN'T Nia been more involved with fighting Absolution.  She's a huge threat.  You'd think they'd try to take her out early. ...Dana changed her clothes. Well, hello there Boss Lady. Paige looks like she knows she's about to be grounded but is trying to play it cool.

I'd like to point out that if there was a big ol' fella rumble going on and an Dude McMahon came out, they wouldn't have stopped fighting.  But the Ladies know when toooooooooo YESSSSS PLEASE STEPHANIE I WANT A FUCKING WOMEN'S RUMBLE YEP YEP YEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!